The Lost Art of Brotherhood
Growing up, I didn’t have many strong male role models.
The ones I had did the best they could with the tools they were given and the situations they were in. I can’t blame them. Looking back, they probably didn’t have many strong role models themselves.
We have a tendency to repeat what we’re exposed to.
I’m 50 years old. The generation of men before mine grew up with a very different set of expectations.
Men provided.
Men worked.
Men didn’t complain.
Men didn’t call out sick.
Men didn’t talk about feelings.
Feelings were often seen as weakness.
Weakness was seen as failure.
There wasn’t much room for vulnerability.
There was room for anger, though.
I saw plenty of that.
Alcohol was a common escape.
Shutting down was another.
Keeping everything inside was normal.
As I said before, we tend to repeat what we’re exposed to.
Thankfully, I avoided the anger.
I avoided alcohol.
I can’t honestly say I avoided everything, though. Marijuana helped me get through some difficult years, and that’s part of my story.
But shutting down?
That became my specialty.
Keeping everything inside?
Absolutely.
Burying emotions instead of dealing with them?
That was me.
For years, I thought that’s just who I was.
Now I think it was what I had learned.
Which brings me back to another theme I’ve been writing about lately.
Fear.
Fear that we’re not doing enough.
Fear that we’re not providing enough.
Fear that we’re not successful enough.
Fear that we’re not good husbands.
Good fathers.
Good leaders.
Or simply… enough.
Maybe we’re still chasing approval we never received.
Maybe we’re trying to prove something to people who stopped thinking about us years ago.
Maybe we’re trying to earn an identity that’s already ours.
So how do we begin to change that?
I don’t think men were meant to carry everything alone.
I think we need other men.
Not because we need someone to solve our problems.
But because we need people who understand them.
People who will challenge us.
Encourage us.
Laugh with us.
Call us out when we’re making excuses.
Remind us who we are when we’ve forgotten.
I think we need to do things together.
Go on a hike.
Camp under the stars.
Build something.
Fix something.
Lift weights.
Throw axes.
Play sports.
Sit around a campfire.
Get dirty.
Sweat.
Struggle a little.
Not because those activities magically change us.
But because something happens while we’re doing them.
Walls come down.
Conversations happen naturally.
Stories get shared.
Friendships are built.
Healing begins.
I’ve noticed that some of the best conversations I’ve ever had didn’t happen sitting across a table.
They happened walking a trail.
Working out beside someone.
Driving to an event.
Standing around after a workout.
Movement creates conversation.
Conversation creates connection.
Connection changes lives.
That’s why I’m building this community.
Not because I have life figured out.
Far from it.
I’m building it because I need it too.
I want a band of brothers.
Men who challenge each other.
Pray for each other.
Laugh together.
Push each other.
Show up when life gets hard.
Celebrate when life goes well.
Men who aren’t afraid to say, “I’m struggling.”
Men who aren’t afraid to say, “I’ve got you.”
If that sounds like something you’ve been missing, send me a message.
If you’re local, I’m putting this group together now.
We’ll hike.
We’ll work out.
We’ll have conversations that matter.
We’ll grow together.
If you’re not local, reach out anyway.
I’d still love to connect.
No sales pitch.
No charge.
Just one man reaching out to another.
Because I believe every man deserves a band of brothers.
And maybe that’s what we’ve been missing all along.
If you’d like to follow this journey, I’d love for you to subscribe to the blog.
The Forged Life isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about asking better questions, pursuing faith, building stronger bodies and minds, creating meaningful relationships, and becoming the men God created us to be.
I’ll be sharing what I’m learning, where I’m struggling, the adventures we’re taking, upcoming hikes and events, and hopefully a little encouragement along the way.
If any of that resonates with you, enter your email and come along for the ride.
And if this article made you think of someone, share it with them.
You never know who might need a reminder that they don’t have to do life alone.
